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Festive Now

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 It doesn't feel festive now

The coffee shop in The Greens has a pine scent and cozy corners

Christmas decor and advent calendars emerge

Our Christmas tree is up--with lights

No ornaments yet

It doesn't feel festive now

On Saturday we watched cliched Christmas movies

Yesterday we had gingerbread lattes

I light peppermint, cinnamon, and pine-scented candles

Frankincense and myrrh room spray are on the counter--ready for mirth

I see, taste, smell, hear, and touch Christmassy things

But sense it is not festive now.


When fresh cranberries were in the store

I put them into my cart, onto the conveyor belt, into my reusable bag 

Made a plastic transaction and put them in the car

We rode the elevator together--home 

And I washed them

I froze them--they lie in the freezer

It doesn't feel festive now.


Festive is not sad

It's sad--I feel sad

Lonliness accompanies me

I feel overwhelmed

Anxiety overtakes

Anxiety is not festive now

It robs presence, engagement--reality

It lies--like it did with Eve and Adam

It breaks and leaves destroyed pieces

It tries to wholly devour--it tries to burry me

And stick a festive holly sprig through my heart

I fight adamant anxiety

Though I am afraid of my unwelcome guest, I lament that I entertain it

It is not festive now--I try to resist anxiety now

I don't want it

I shout: "Leave--be banished"

"Exit anxiety--take emnity with you!"


Through the quiet settled sands 

I call to my Father, "Help me prepare your way!"

"Please renew the advent of your: love, peace, hope, and joy!" 

He harkens back to the carefully cared for cranberries

They are preserved--still, waiting in darkness

When their redness heats, spills, and bursts: "Emmanuel!"

It is festive now!




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